I called my friend yesterday just to have some fun the way I used to whenever I feel despair. I felt the excitement in her voice the moment she heard mine. I asked her about her family and her children but her voice kept fading sentence after sentence.
I asked her about the sadness in her voice. She denied it at first but when I insisted she said, “Everything is fine….everything is collapsing day after day!”
response was a “surprise” why, I did not hear anything shows any damage or
collapse now a days…there is nothing new, is there!? What I meant if there was
some bad news that I did not hear about. She said: that s it….no change no hope
in the horizon to see Iraq the way we used to….I am deeply depressed. I try to
convince myself with each new morning that everything will change and I can
drive my car with my children in the city again, I can take them to visit their
friends while I go shopping…I want to read some new live books and
magazines….discuss politics…gossip with friends about our husbands! Drinking
coffee and smoking secretly a way from husbands, I want to be with my friends
again instead of following the news on TV.
I want to stop talking about how
expensive the gasoline has become. I want to stop talking about death and violence.
I want to stop this kind of fear inside of me whenever I go to take my son from
the school. I don’t want to live in the fear of kidnapping or displacing my
family from my neighborhood. I don’t want to use my phone only to check out my
husband’s safety in the street or asking about my brothers whenever an attack
or shooting that is happening everyday. I long to hear some good news. News
that does really make me happy and a live.
I miss my old days, when each minute was full of life and joy. There was a meaning to each day we used to live but now everything is dull…we eat and sleep and watch TV. I am afraid a day will come we don’t recognize ourselves in the mirror. Today is just like yesterday and tomorrow will not be different I bet, unless it is worse. There is no hope of change on the horizon.
I did not know what to say to her…that’s it…I am afraid that the majority will feel despair and hopelessness and there will be no solution in time to stop this feeling.