Baghdad Days: The House is Falling October 31, 2011
by Bruce Wallace, 121Contact
Noor, kaif halich? We are fine. Alhamdulilah. We are fine.
Yes, I know it is 4AM here but I just could not sleep. Oh sister, the house is falling. I am living in endless panic. I cannot go on. No. Everything is all right. But I am filled with worries. There is no sleep for me. I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone who is far away. I can call you because you are far away and I know I will not wake you. I know you will help me.
Do you know yesterday Ahmed amd his friend came home all shaking. When the car dropped them off at the checkpoint, when they came from school, he said, the soldiers who are surrounding the neighborhood they looked at the kids, Ahmed and his friend, in that funny way. One of them said, “I would love to take you home with me.” My son was in tears. Frightened. He and his friend are only 12 years. My son doesn’t know of homosexual things, but he knew something is wrong. He said, “He looked at me in the funny evil way. I was frightened.” I was in shock. How can I send them again to the school? I don’t know whom should I worry about…my daughter, or to take care of my son. They are innocent of such details of rape or sex or such things. So I sat with him and forced myself to talk with him about these details instead of his studies. I have to frighten him to make him watch out. This is a big responsibility. It is not easy. This is happening here. Can you imagine? In our neighborhood. Can you imagine? We are surrounded now, like years ago. The checkpoints are in each place.
You ask me to take him from school and to school? To walk with him? Sister, I have 3 children. Shall I cut myself in three and take care of each child? Hammed? He is working each day, Alhamdulilah. Hammed? Yes. He is still going to work every day. And what of his coming and going? He insists to go to work, of course. But they are killing again. Each Sunni in our neighborhood is in fear again. They are killing again; the teachers, the intellectuals, especially the professional with a job…Now we are becoming like Mosul; like Baghdad of 2006. Hammed says, “Keep the children at home.” How can I deny them school? This is impossible. They will go crazy if I lock them in the house. Did you hear of the bombs in Amariyah? Adhamiyah? Here in Fadhil? You think this is coincidence? We are the target. They will come for us, and we don’t know when. We are living with this fear. It is of every moment. Maybe I don’t think about it at every moment. But it is there. And I will think about it again. I know. And I tell you I am tired. I am torn…of worrying about the boy, the girl, the work, the money. And when they go out the burden is like a mountain on my chest. And when they come home I feel it is lifted. I am tired of the fear and it is taking my sleep, and I have no energy to do anything; to shop; to take the children to school; to clean the house…what for? Hammed tells me I have to be strong. For the children. I am strong. But, sister, I am tired. Oh, sister, I call you. Do you hear me? Can you help me? [the connection is cut]
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