121Contact

Feb 27 2007 surrounded by US troops in Baghdad

I spoke to Z (one of the teachers) today; my morning, his evening.

He was so tired from having lost a night's sleep. Yesterday they had visitors. 2 friends of his brother came in the afternoon because they could not get back into their neighborhood. It was surrounded and sealed off by US and Iraqi troops. So Z's family invited them to stay over. Then, in the evening, an Aunt came by with her daughter. Her neighborhood was sealed while she was out shopping. She couldn't get home, so she was invited to stay also.

"Why didn't you get to sleep. Were you up all night talking?"
"No. One of my brother's friends shared my bed. He snored all night. I couldn't get to sleep. If they stay here another night I think I will give him my bed."
"But where will you sleep?"
"Maybe in the kitchen? Ha?"

We laughed at this as the helicopters came overhead. He was in his garden and so the sound was very clear.

"You know today was horrible."
"Why? What happened?"
"This morning the US troops, your troops, parked in front of the house. Then there was the explosion; a side-road bomb in front of my house. My son, U, was really frightened. He is sleeping now, in the house. This is because he is very disturbed."
"Is everyone OK? No one is hurt?"
"Yes. We are OK. Only the glass of the front was broken. You know it broke into tiny pieces. Shattered."

And we went on to talk of next year's plans for the email project between students in Baghdad and New York City. Then I heard other voices; shouting, talking, and vehicle engines. As we talked the troops came into the garden and chased him into the house. Z's neighborhood is now surrounded by US troops.

Sleep and food will be stretched thin for a few days. Let's hope the little son gets calm.

Baghdad Feb 17, 2007 a silly reason to be killed for

N, a teacher of teachers in Baghdad tries to come to the US to meet the students in New York that have been corresponding with her students in Baghdad for 3 years. She plans to speak with students and educators about the importance of building bridges and about the healing power of telling stories from within the grip of prolonged trauma.  The US embassy has sent her an email instructing her to come to Amman, Jordan to pick up her visa to the US.

The trip to Amman from Baghdad left a joy and a deep pin prick. A week of joy with Bruce and Mark left a sigh in me to meet again to make peace engagements with the US students…a sigh for not having visa to meet the wonderful students in the other side of the world who have sent their blessing and wishes of peace and stability to all their Iraqi counterparts…a sigh that hopes of building a new bridge between two peaceful sides that were now gone with out achieving the most important goal of tolerance and friendship between them. 

Why do evil actions prevail quickly more than love and good actions in our world? Why do well intentions have to be stumbled over in the path of peace while violence sets out like a rocket to destroy any who try for peace? 

I tried what I could: I came to Amman twice, on the 24^th -August 2006 I had an interview with the Americans in the US embassy for the first time while the second one was in December2006 as a response to their request to pick up my visa. I was so worried concerning the second trip because I already knew it would be full of surprises and my worries were true.

The trip was full of troubles from the very beginning because the daily life in Baghdad was in so much danger. The driver told us not to bring much money and advised us not wear jewelry because the road to Jordan might have bandits and we did follow his advice. In the morning of the 20^th of December 2006 I was waiting the mini van at 6:00, I heard a huge blast in the neighborhood and I realized there will be a delay. The driver came about an hour late because the American troops were spread in the streets and he had to wait for their permission to set out. We (me and the driver and two women from the same neighborhood) were supposed to move at 6:00 am and we had to be early because there would be a lot of delay on the border to Amman. The driver had to change from the highway road, which is better and quicker, onto the local unpaved ones because the American troops blocked the highway for their convoys. Near the city of Rutba (before the Iraqi borders) we were forced to stop by a group of masked and armed men, this was the first time in my life to know the meaning of frozen blood…I felt that the blood under my skin was frozen. They were six, one of them holding large silver pistol while the others were armed with machine guns .They asked us about our direction then wished us a peaceful trip. I thought they were bandits…but Thanks God they weren’t.   

Our packages and bodies were checked and examined carefully and the Jordanian police women’s scrutiny was more than natural. The two women who traveled with me were confused and cautious. They protested the way of body checking…me I didn’t say anything this time because I did the same protest in the first trip…so I already knew their rules…and my protest will not change anything so I decided to respect my words by silence.   

The Jordanian passport office allowed me a week to stay in Amman after knowing the reason of the trip.  Then I can pay for staying further. Each week costs 10, 500 JD. I reached Amman about 10:00 pm. 

On 24^th Sunday morning I went to the American Embassy to give my passport and my ID documents to find out that no body in the Embassy because it is the Christmas days!! They asked me to come on Tuesday and I did and did all the procedures they asked me to do: going to Aramex Company to hand my passport along with my ID documents and wait for a week to get them. 

Meanwhile Bruce was there with me through the e-mail messages, I was keen to tell him everything in details…he was great support to me when hopes got feeble. He sent a lot of messages to many friends who could help and support my visa to show up …many people from different peace organizations and they did what they could do.

Bruce had sent me their messages and their honest willingness and support to be there …I did really want to be there with such good peaceful people…to me it was an opportunity to have new good friends, new family from the other side of the world…I did not expect to have such support and solidarity from them, I wanted to thank each one of them face to face for everything but I was unlucky, after 2 weeks I received no visa. Why? I am not convinced with the US embassy justifications which they have told me and I hope to know one day. 

As usual Bruce was there to share my disappointment, he was more than a father, a friend and a family. His decision to fly to Amman on13th of January and to enquire about my visa made the trip colorful. We also worked and decided to continue and add newness to the 121Contact project of our students. 

Bruce and his son Mark stayed in Amman for a week and I am going to write about the most beautiful and exciting moments with them in another email message, inshallah.

(I know you are there reading these lines with other friends and I know you are bored with my saying THANKS to you but I have to say it in public now…many thanks and Allah bless you…dear Bruce.)

It is hard to forget my dear friend and sister in Amman,  the special L, whose help was there from the very beginning in supporting me in my 2 trips. Words are not enough to express my gratitude.

I decided to return to dear Baghdad, though my family and friends asked me not to do so. The situation is still dangerous; it is getting harder day after day, I might be killed in any minute or kidnapped and tortured for being a Muslim living in a Sunni neighborhood though I hate such difference but reality obliged me to say so. What a silly reason to be killed for while criminals and rapists are free in this world.

Thanks to all of you.
Love to you all,
N

Tue 11/14/2006 where ever you go you see corpse

Yes, the emails have been slow these days. It is getting harder and harder to get through. It is easy to see why...

Dear Bruce,

you are starving for my words and I am starving for a moment of peace.

Dear ones...you can not imagine what kind of life here in Iraq! the situation is getting harder each day.

my neighborhood had been under attack since our last phone call with Bruce.Dead bodies of civilian people are accumulated and scattered every where...where ever you go you see corpse.

My mistress got her brother in law killed, a teacher in my school lost her brother in the latest explosion, another teacher lost his wife in the day of Saddam 's verdict because of the random shooting while the other one lost his relatives who were kidnapped in the funeral ceremony with the dead body!

My nieghborhood on the other hand still witnesses  serious combats because of their existance in the neighborhood,yesrerday 2 lands made were exploded in front of our house and they (USA troops) forced us to stay at our houses for about 6 hours.late at night they broke into houses and arrested many young men ...above all let me tell you this ...we haven't had electricity, no water, no phone service for about 6 days....can you imagine your life with out these 3 important things?

Now let me describe what happened to me this morning, a man I see every day standing next to me waiting for the bus going to his work...was shot dead by a sniper  ,I stood their watching him die with no idea what to do or where to go...I couldn't even shout for help...everybody arround me disappeared. I went back home totally broken down...wondering am I a live !!?

I sent this message from net cafe out of my nieghborhood.

Nesreen

Sat 11/4/2006 cup of tea

Dear Bruce

 

It is 1:40 after midnight, I tried hard to sleep but I can’t. The noise of bombs and shooting keep going on all night, I tried to put a pillow over my head but the noise of the troops tanks keep the floor shivering which makes my bed and other things shaking with no break…so I decide to write to you!

 

The evening was scary…I was making some tee in the kitchen at 7:00, I turned my face to talk to my brother while washing the tea cups next to the sink behind the window, all of a sudden the window turned into pieces because of a huge explosion that took place in front of our house while the tanks were passing by...thanks God my face had been turned at that moment …you can’t imagine how scared I was…I couldn’t hear anything but the buzz for 10 minutes, I sipped a drop of water with no words, my brother on the other hand run fast to check his children safety whose hysterical shouts filled the silence of the situation…

 

I cursed every body in this bad world …tell me now how can we think of a better day any more? Can we? Is there a place for such thought in our spirits? The world is waiting the trial of Saddam as a big hit neglecting thousands of Iraqi children live in the middle of bombs, neglecting thousands of women who turned into widows with no support…what makes Saddam’s trial so important to the world? Don’t you agree with me that a child’s life and safety is more important? This world is ugly looking for blood shed everywhere; they keep their eyes on violence as a joy thinking of justice…it is not I believe… justice is when your child sleeps well…when you live in your house with peace…justice when you see your family smile with no fear of tomorrow…

and of course when you drink your tea with no bombs !

 

Wish me sweet dreams …if I can sleep!

 

Yours truly

Thu 10/26/2006 and always doubts

Dear Nesreen,

BrooklynYesterday I gave two workshops to  Brooklyn high school students—9^th and 10^th graders, “Putting a Human Face on ‘collateral damage’”. It was my first workshop since early last year when Marilyn became ill.

It went well with the older group. The 9^th graders were not so impressed. I was a little out of practice and failed to notice the difference between ‘my end’ and ‘their end.’ They were done before me and at the finish they were no longer interested in what I had to say, at least not as interested as they were in getting out of there and on to lunch! The older students were great, however. At the end, after the compassion part and the activism part of the workshop, one young woman suggested that they collect supplies for an orphanage in Rwanda.

I asked, “How many of you will help her?” and only 5 hands went up. I then asked, “OK, if 6 people were doing this, then how many of you would help?” Now there were 10 other hands. After my next asking almost all the hands went up. And then…another young woman spoke out, “Why are we doing Rwanda? What about the Katrina Hurricane kids? What about their schools?”

A lively discussion followed, and then the bell rang to signal the end of the workshop. I left them arguing amongst themselves as to which was the ‘better’ thing to do. I was very please with this.

When I got home I was stunned by the fact that Marilyn wasn’t there for me to share the day with. I would have told her of my doubts as I drove home from the school. I was thinking of how very small a thing I had done. How it ended up having nothing to do with Iraq, the war, the bigger picture. These are not new thoughts to me, but they return often.

I know Marilyn would have reassured me; told me that even small things contribute; that doing something is better than doing nothing; that at least some of these students were moved by the presentation; at least some had bravely opened their hearts and responded with action.

 What more can I ask?

 Well, I can ask how you liked the DVD? Did you get a chance to show it to others? What did they think?

 May this email find you safe and may the school be once again filled with brave students who risk all for a little more education.

With much love, Bruce

Sun 10/15/2006 compassion, tears, and hope

In my workshops I teach about compassion as not something given to others, but an opening of the self.
I teach that one can feel profound sadness and still feel good at the same time.
I teach that the energy of grief can be turned into actions for peace and hope.
I teach, but do I learn?

Today's call to Nesreen was so full of tears that it was hard to speak. Just 10 minutes before our call her neighborhood was the scene of an intense gun battle. The children gathered around; the house shut tight; the air hot; the noise frightening...All is quiet now, and no one in the house was hurt.

And now, 10 minutes later we are on the phone. The little ones stand with mouths open and eyes wide as they listen to Nesreen speak a stange language. She puts them on the phone and my 'salaams' are answered with small voices saying 'Hello' in English. For a moment their world is touched from afar. Their world!

Schools are not functioning. There were no students at N's school this week. The infrastructure is a mess. Interneet access comes only some days, and then maybe only for an hour or so. Kidnapping is everywhere. There is still no word of Marwa, and no word of the kidnapped brother of another of the Women of Peace who had been writing. There is no one to trust. One cannot call the police because it is known that they are infiltrated with violent people. "The police are part of it."

One brother of N's has emigrated to find work. His wife and children remain behind. He felt he had no choice since there is no work for him in Baghdad.

So where does the hope come from? I am not sure. N said that she reads Marilyn's letters from time to time because they are so full of hope. She hesitated to tell me this because since Mar died only a short time ago she was afraid it would make me sad. I told her that yes, it does make me feel sadness, but it also makes me feel so very, very warm to know that Mar's words are still carrying the good that was in her heart.

Again we talked of how we could possibly get N over here. She's already been denied a US visa and the chances of her getting one are almost zero, but we come back to this over and over again. Still we hope, but I don't really know where the hope comes from. Perhaps hope is born from stubborness?
I know we'll find a way.

Peace to you and yours, Bruce

Thu 10/5/2006 Thinking of leaving the US

This email, from a long-time friend, gave me the opportunity to reflect upon my peace work, and how much it means to me. (Responses are posted below, most recent at the top.)
Bruce
---
Hi Bruce,

I was talking to a friend this evening and they are, seriously, considering moving to Argentina. Over the last couple of years, I have been considering emigrating. I won't say where but I will say that it is very appealing to me. I could live like a king and not have to deal with the embarassment of being from the most hated country in the world. I am seriously considering this and would like to know why it is a bad idea. The upcoming elections may have some impact on my decision. I love this country but, it seems like we are becoming the most viscious, bullying and militant nation in the world. That bothers me and makes me wonder if I really want to be a part of what we stand for.

Just wondering what you think and what to do.

I don't want to hear about all the great things we have, like Wallmart and supposed free elections. Money runs this country and I am sick of the fact that we don't care for our own people. People don't come here for the freedom, they come for the money and that is sad.  I am no longer proud of being an American. That upsets me.

BK

August 16, 2006 President Bush is Frustrated

To my dear writers in Iraq:

President Bush expressed frustration yesterday that Iraqis have not come to appreciate the sacrifices the United States has made in Iraq.

He was puzzled as to how a recent anti-American rally in Baghdad could draw crowds of 10,000 people to demonstrate against the United States.

 Would you care to explain this to him?

Bruce

Sun 6/11/2006 away from the nightmares into sleeping

Hello dear Bruce,

On my home today I saw 2 cars of ambulance in the neighborhood, shocked people gathering here and there and women know nothing what to do but to sit on the ground and cry. when I entered my house I saw my brother and his eyes were full of tears talking about what had happened while my second brother was lying shocked of what had happened in the super market of the neighborhood: 3 cars were full of armed men shooting haphazardly, they killed 5 men (the baker, an owner of convenience store and an old man with his 2 young sons) they threw a hand grenade in the bakery and ran away, leaving these 5 bodies with no help about 30 minutes. People were frightened to death and each one tried to hide himself in the nearest house or shop he found. My 2 brothers were very sad because the know the good convenience store owner and the man with his 2 poor sons…till this moment each one in the neighborhood asks why this happened and for the sake of whom???

My neighborhood decided to mourn those innocents 5 persons, shops will be shut down for 3 days.   

 

Words are silent …I don’t know what to say … I know that nightmares are rarely happened in one’s dreams while sleeping but for Iraqis it is different …we live the nightmare itself everyday and every minute…here in Iraq people choose to ran away from the nightmares into sleeping !

n

Fri 6/9/2006 The death of alZarqawi was not a joy

Dear Bruce ,

 how are you? I am sending my regards to Marilyn.

 The death of alZarqawi was not a joy to me either. The moment I heard of his death was not a big deal to me because I do care about other things…

My people are dying tens by tens and no one cares.

The Iraqi children suffer depravity and no one cares!

The young are afraid of abducting or killing so they decide to stay at home leaving their study and their future to another time and this is a very huge problem if they really think of it.

The death squad is there… free in killing whoever it wants, threatening people with out hesitation and no one cares!

IraqWhat is happening here does not belong to AlZarqawi only…because his first concern was the coalition forces for this reason his death is a joy for them and for the American government and that what they do really care about!…I was shopping when I heard his death and the first comment I heard from the people there was "they killed him and there will be a thousand of alzarqawi instead!!"
..the circle of violence will continue and I think you heard what had happened in  Iraq after his death. His death will bring more violence because it is a reaction to violence.

I agree with you that peaceful acts may teach every one that we can truly live together in a world of respect and I hope there will be ears and minds to listen to your message carefully.

Yours truly,

n